Don't worry be happy... Cartoons help me to forget the meningitis epidemic other north Africa. I worry about Honoré's health of course but also about his visa. He won't be allowed to come back in France if he hasn't got vaccinated but it's very hard to find a vaccine against the W135 stereotype.
I don't know what to do to help him. Crying won't change things. Music? Science-fiction? I could write to some organizations, to the embassy to explain that I really need him but it would be to selfish when a lot of children are dying.
Monday, April 08, 2002
I did nothing of what I forsee. I spent more than one hour in a supermarket looking for clothes for babies and so. There was a future grandmother who had the same kind of questions as I. What's the best size: birth, 1 month, 3 months? This one is really expensive! Yes, but this one is bad for the skin of the baby, etc, etc... My god! It's really complicated! Yes, I have a list of things to bring to the hospital for me and my child. But that didn't really help. Is a baby's vest (brassière in french) the same thing as a body? Shall I take long or short sleeves? Why do I need 6 in cotton and 3 in wool?
Thursday, April 04, 2002
Wednesday, April 03, 2002
Tuesday, April 02, 2002
I'm back on the web. That's great!
This is a kind of flashback:
Tuesday January 8
It's 20 O'Clock. I'm looking at the stars and more espacially at Orion. There's a lot of planes landing in the Orly airport, something like one every two minutes, sometimes less. Is it an other sign that my child will be a great traveller?
Tomorrow, I'll visit a flat in a town called "Les Ulis". The prise is very low and the surface rather big. Does it hide something? Let's wait and see.
Wednesday January 16
The flat has nothing to do with what I expected. It has a lot rooms, to much for me. Everything is old. I don't like the town either. I'll start tomorrow to look for a place where I would really like to live with my child and Honoré. It's not easy to forsee how life could be. What will be the best for us? Should we live in Paris? Should we find a small house in the forest near the laboratory, the hospital and everything else?
I was really tired last week-end, may be sick also. I arrived friday at midnight in Lyon and went back mondy at seven. I should have staid in bed but there was so many things to do! I had one of these moments where I feel unable to face the future. I couldn't see me as a mother. I know I won't be alone but I want to do everything by myself. I need Honoré but I don't want him to help me. I was happy to see that he could also feel the baby moving and even sleep with his hand on my belly. That was some magic instant I will nether forget.
I was a bit afraid by the way I could start a new week. I just tried to spend the nights at bed and it worked. Yes I'm still tired. For example I left my keys on my desk at the laboratory. But I'm still learning a lot of things and even helping people. That's the minimum isn't it? The weather was sunny today. That was great.
Listening to the sonata 17 from Beethoven while following the notes with the Anvil Studio software I realised that I liked it only because it's to complicate for me. I know I won't be able to play it one day. I'm really fascinated by this music. I hope my baby can hear it. May be next month? May be after his birth?
Thursday January 17
That's obvious. I've got a gritch inside. Yes, I'm reading Hyperion from Dan Simmons the book my sister offered me for christmass.
The gritch controls everything: my nerves, my work, my sleep or my memory. This evening I was really tired. So I went to bed and then I felt something moving. That was fun. How can you sleep after such joyfull moment? The same thing use to happen in the middle of previous night.
I wonder where is my head. Oh yes, I'm able to learn more and more. After few weeks at my new job I'm allready doing several things at the same time and have more to do. I can't stand interruptions by social services for the bad flat. I was at the middle of an important task when a woman asked me everithing about my life and Honoré's one. Do I really have to answer all those questions?
I tried to phone home but nobody was there. Hum... My pour nerves... Panic comes really quickly at those times. I just had to add some paranoïa to imagine the worst. Am I really sick or just a bit tired? The gritch know the answer. I just have to find a way to communicate with him.
Wednesday January 30
I took two days holliday monday and tuesday. I spent sunday in Frangy for the birthday of my sister. She announced her wedding for august 2003. That sounds strange, she's only 20 years old and still a student.
I had a phone call from the Cité de l'Espace in Toulouse on monday afternoon. The science-fiction exhibition they plan for june 2003 looks great. I hope to be able to help them for what regards SETI. I've taken some pieces of my fanzine as well as some SETI League brochures for next week-end science-fiction exhibition in Nogent sur Oise. Will I go on with fan-edition? Not yet and not tomorrow. May be will I do something different later?
Sunday February 3
It's the first week-end I spend here in Orsay. I went to Nogent sur Oise yesterday. It's rather far from Paris. After 40 minutes of RER B from Orsay to Paris, I took the RER D which crosses forests and landscapes. It arrives at Creil 50 minutes later. Then there's 15 minutes by foot to Nogent sur Oise and it's mediathèque.
It was nice to see again friends and old acquaintances. I spoke of my future flat in "Les Ulis" and also of my baby, not really about science-fiction or SETI. I learned some news. I didn't sell one Bulletin but give a lot of them. In fact people came here to see or read and not to buy.
I came back very tired but pleased. I know I'm not able to live in Paris and take the RER every day to go at work. Les Ulis seems not so bad after all.
Tuesday February 5
The weather has been bad all the night. Rains and wind made a lot of noise. I woke up tired. My nerves are really weak. It was a bad idea to phone to know when the flat will be free.
I saw the doctor Razon who heard the heart of my baby. That was nice. Everything seems good but he asked other exams. He can't say if I will be able to go in San Marino at the beginning of March. He asked me to wait for the scan of February the 20th.
Tuesday February 12
Tonight I was near the Keops Pyramids. There was a lot of people : Hélène, Honoré, my father... Was it a meeting ? A school ? There was some water also. Nigeria ? Nil ? I put my leg in the water and get back some big allergy.
Thursday February 14
It's raining. All the night was so. I spent some hours reading "permation city" by Greg Egan. I'll take the train to Lyon this morning to eat at the kebab at noon.
Monday February 18
Yesterday we bought the first baby clothes. That was as if we were allready three. What a joy!
The week-end was nice even if there was some nostalgy. Honoré leaves next saturday for Burkina. I'm affraid. And if it was impossible for him to come back up to time?
Thursday February 21
The scan of yesterday confirmed it will be a girl and a small baby. I phoned my father to wish him an happy birthday. I hang the phone and felt sad. Honoré will leave saturday for Africa. I'm not really prepared for this and I'm so tired. There's so many things to do! How can I achieve all this?
Friday February 23
I slept listening to Barbara. I woke up after a wonderfull dream where I was with my baby. We spoke a lot. She was something like 6 or 9 months old. Honoré wasn't there but dad and Sebastien were present. Nothing and everything happens. A lot of small incidents but nothing really serious. It was as if we had been separated for a very long time. Strange but beautifull...
------
This is a kind of flashback:
Tuesday January 8
It's 20 O'Clock. I'm looking at the stars and more espacially at Orion. There's a lot of planes landing in the Orly airport, something like one every two minutes, sometimes less. Is it an other sign that my child will be a great traveller?
Tomorrow, I'll visit a flat in a town called "Les Ulis". The prise is very low and the surface rather big. Does it hide something? Let's wait and see.
Wednesday January 16
The flat has nothing to do with what I expected. It has a lot rooms, to much for me. Everything is old. I don't like the town either. I'll start tomorrow to look for a place where I would really like to live with my child and Honoré. It's not easy to forsee how life could be. What will be the best for us? Should we live in Paris? Should we find a small house in the forest near the laboratory, the hospital and everything else?
I was really tired last week-end, may be sick also. I arrived friday at midnight in Lyon and went back mondy at seven. I should have staid in bed but there was so many things to do! I had one of these moments where I feel unable to face the future. I couldn't see me as a mother. I know I won't be alone but I want to do everything by myself. I need Honoré but I don't want him to help me. I was happy to see that he could also feel the baby moving and even sleep with his hand on my belly. That was some magic instant I will nether forget.
I was a bit afraid by the way I could start a new week. I just tried to spend the nights at bed and it worked. Yes I'm still tired. For example I left my keys on my desk at the laboratory. But I'm still learning a lot of things and even helping people. That's the minimum isn't it? The weather was sunny today. That was great.
Listening to the sonata 17 from Beethoven while following the notes with the Anvil Studio software I realised that I liked it only because it's to complicate for me. I know I won't be able to play it one day. I'm really fascinated by this music. I hope my baby can hear it. May be next month? May be after his birth?
Thursday January 17
That's obvious. I've got a gritch inside. Yes, I'm reading Hyperion from Dan Simmons the book my sister offered me for christmass.
The gritch controls everything: my nerves, my work, my sleep or my memory. This evening I was really tired. So I went to bed and then I felt something moving. That was fun. How can you sleep after such joyfull moment? The same thing use to happen in the middle of previous night.
I wonder where is my head. Oh yes, I'm able to learn more and more. After few weeks at my new job I'm allready doing several things at the same time and have more to do. I can't stand interruptions by social services for the bad flat. I was at the middle of an important task when a woman asked me everithing about my life and Honoré's one. Do I really have to answer all those questions?
I tried to phone home but nobody was there. Hum... My pour nerves... Panic comes really quickly at those times. I just had to add some paranoïa to imagine the worst. Am I really sick or just a bit tired? The gritch know the answer. I just have to find a way to communicate with him.
Wednesday January 30
I took two days holliday monday and tuesday. I spent sunday in Frangy for the birthday of my sister. She announced her wedding for august 2003. That sounds strange, she's only 20 years old and still a student.
I had a phone call from the Cité de l'Espace in Toulouse on monday afternoon. The science-fiction exhibition they plan for june 2003 looks great. I hope to be able to help them for what regards SETI. I've taken some pieces of my fanzine as well as some SETI League brochures for next week-end science-fiction exhibition in Nogent sur Oise. Will I go on with fan-edition? Not yet and not tomorrow. May be will I do something different later?
Sunday February 3
It's the first week-end I spend here in Orsay. I went to Nogent sur Oise yesterday. It's rather far from Paris. After 40 minutes of RER B from Orsay to Paris, I took the RER D which crosses forests and landscapes. It arrives at Creil 50 minutes later. Then there's 15 minutes by foot to Nogent sur Oise and it's mediathèque.
It was nice to see again friends and old acquaintances. I spoke of my future flat in "Les Ulis" and also of my baby, not really about science-fiction or SETI. I learned some news. I didn't sell one Bulletin but give a lot of them. In fact people came here to see or read and not to buy.
I came back very tired but pleased. I know I'm not able to live in Paris and take the RER every day to go at work. Les Ulis seems not so bad after all.
Tuesday February 5
The weather has been bad all the night. Rains and wind made a lot of noise. I woke up tired. My nerves are really weak. It was a bad idea to phone to know when the flat will be free.
I saw the doctor Razon who heard the heart of my baby. That was nice. Everything seems good but he asked other exams. He can't say if I will be able to go in San Marino at the beginning of March. He asked me to wait for the scan of February the 20th.
Tuesday February 12
Tonight I was near the Keops Pyramids. There was a lot of people : Hélène, Honoré, my father... Was it a meeting ? A school ? There was some water also. Nigeria ? Nil ? I put my leg in the water and get back some big allergy.
Thursday February 14
It's raining. All the night was so. I spent some hours reading "permation city" by Greg Egan. I'll take the train to Lyon this morning to eat at the kebab at noon.
Monday February 18
Yesterday we bought the first baby clothes. That was as if we were allready three. What a joy!
The week-end was nice even if there was some nostalgy. Honoré leaves next saturday for Burkina. I'm affraid. And if it was impossible for him to come back up to time?
Thursday February 21
The scan of yesterday confirmed it will be a girl and a small baby. I phoned my father to wish him an happy birthday. I hang the phone and felt sad. Honoré will leave saturday for Africa. I'm not really prepared for this and I'm so tired. There's so many things to do! How can I achieve all this?
Friday February 23
I slept listening to Barbara. I woke up after a wonderfull dream where I was with my baby. We spoke a lot. She was something like 6 or 9 months old. Honoré wasn't there but dad and Sebastien were present. Nothing and everything happens. A lot of small incidents but nothing really serious. It was as if we had been separated for a very long time. Strange but beautifull...
------
Monday, March 11, 2002
Thursday, February 28, 2002
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