He is everywhere! There must have been a documentary about Sahel on the TV channel ARTE. I wanted to watch it. But... They change it! I hear people crying "XXXXXX president!"
What can I do? Throw the TV from the 15th flour?

I've updated the french SETI League website. Translating two press releases took me lot of time. I'm getting old...
See:
http://setileague.free.fr/presse/0204.php3
http://setileague.free.fr/presse/0205.php3

Yesterday evening there was a rainbow. What a beautifull sight from the 15th flour! It started at the commercial center few meters from me. When I was a child there was some legend about what we can find at the foot of a rainbow. I don't remember if it was a lagic mushroom, a fairy or a four leaf clover. I'll have to go and see by myself.
The 5 O'clock birds woke me up this morning. I don't know their name but they usually start singing between 4 and 5. That's not unpleasant. The full moon was playing with clouds. I took the binoculars for a small travel on the mare crisium and the others.

Is it baby blues? Is it the strong wind? Is it the full moon?
I don't like this world. I don't understand it. I phoned Honoré last night. Things get so worse that I'm afraid that my daughter will nether see her father. He is sick. One of his collegues has been killed.
Yes let's say that it's just baby blues... I've got a bad filter of informations. He should have given me good news.

A reaction of Africultures seems too optimistic. The edito of the Journal du Jeudi is more realistic...

I've read yesteday the two last stories of La poignée de poussière, a book of tales from Amadou Hampaté Ba. One one side it's really funny. On the other few of these stories from the Peul are suitable for children. There's a lot of mysticism in it with god, satan and all the marabouts.

When listening to Mory Kanté I was surprised by the power of african languages. The tone of jula makes you happy. You don't need anything more. I wonder if the baby will be named Sonia Léïndimi or Léïndimi Sonia. The order has only administrative purposes. I think everybody will call her Sonia in my family and Léïndimi in Africa. May be will she have other nicknames? I'm Zabeth, Babeth, Lisbeth or Lise for most of my friends. She will decide later to answer Sonia or Léïndimi or both when people will ask her name. I'm sure Honoré (or Ouétien Honoré Joseph) would prefer Léïndimi Sonia even if we didn't really discuss the topic. We had chosen Sonia when I was one or two months pregnant. Léïndimi has been chosen last month by Honoré's mother and brothers. It has a strong meaning but that isn't really easy to translate into french. In english I thing solace could be the right word.

A week after the election I think the baby really gave me some comfort. When she will be born I could have the Burkinabé nationality. So if the worst happens it could be possible for me to have a free ticket for Africa as all the foreigners:-)

I've finished Un feu sur l'abîme from Vernor Vinge this afternoon. And? That looks rather classical. It's good science-fiction but nothing extraordinary. It can have an interest regarding the evolution of intelligence on a planet. But... what more? I still think there's something missing. Some descriptions of the universe? Of the spaceships? I don't really know. The landscapes looks like the ones on Earth. The story could be something between L'orphelin de Perdide and La planète sauvage (where humans are slaves of dogs) from Stefan Wul. I don't regret reading this book till the end but that's not what I was waiting for when I bought it one or two years ago.

Oh I have also to note a strange thing that made me laught when I was reading the book. I was sitting. My hands were softly on my big belly. A movement of the baby closed the paperback. Yes, really! Then I knew it was time for me to walk outside under a sunny weather.

The videotape Les maîtres du temps is just at the end. Wow! The pictures from Moebius are wonderful. I have spent one hour in an other universe. I needed it. I love science-fiction when it helps me to forget the reality.

There's a good article in this month issue of the Marabout.

Which book will I choose for the hospital? At noon I thought that L'orphelin de Perdide from Stefan Wul could be a good choice. I know the story and I liked it some 10 years ago. But this afternoon I found the video of the cartoon Les maîtres du temps in the library. It's the same story. So I will have to find an other solution. May be Le grand Meaulnes? It's one of the few books I've read several times. May be the only one. Why not Harry Potter? Calvin and Hobbes comics may be two heavy...
I hope to have few weeks to decide. Otherwise, I'll just take the book I'm reading at the moment.

Our country is mad. A lot of students are in the streets to fight the FN. But I was in the commercial center and heard one guy crying "vive XXXXXX!". Someone reports the same in a street from Paris.

Can't sleep !

I just had my brother on the phone. He's in the "Réunion" island. That was nice to see that such places still exist in France.
An other positive news came from the update of the "WHO WE ARE" page on the Invitation to ETI website. It's nice to see that there's so much nice people in the world.

I spent more than 3 hours in the bath just thinking. I tested toys and the thermometer for baby. Some music came from the roof. That was Anastasia.

Oh my love,
set me free,
let me out this misery.

I'll try to eat something listening to the soundtrack of the film "Bleu" from Preisner.

Tears and vomiting... I woke up and the radio tells me I'm not in a dream... The reality is too hard.

I'm afraid. The result of the elections shows that there's a lot of people who share the ideas of XXXXXX (can't write the name sorry). Within a month a little girl will be born. She will have to nationalities: french and burkinabé. Yes we can say that there was a lot of candidates and that a lot of people were in holidays.

But the reality is here just in front of me. A majority of people won't help a little Sonia if she has some problems in the street, in the school or to find a job. Why? Just because her skin won't have the right color. These same people will say that they are not racist. All right! But were's the truth?

Yes I'm also responsible. We are all responsible. I just spent the day sleeping, reading instead of voting. I should have been in Frangy-en-Bresse and that was impossible or at least difficult. I don't know what would have been my choice. Usually I choose a small candidate just because I share some of his/her ideas about environment for example. My vote wouldn't have help Jospin to be in the second turn.

How is it possible? What is this country? How can I protect my daughter? Will her childhood be happier in Burkina? May be. That will be a kind of sacrifice for me but may be will it be the only solution.

8 months today! I'm rather proud of it...

Tired... I read short stories and sleep...
Answering an email about life on mars took me a lot af time. Where are all the references I need?
What's the URL of the Mars Society website?

What's evolution? It's strange to see that my daughter will hear the same songs as I used when I was a child. Chantal Goya and Emilie Jolie are back! Let say it's not so bad. I used to sing "Ce matin, un lapin a tué un chasseur" when I was 5 or 6 years old and I'm here. It was just fantasy... May be is it the reason why I love science-fiction?
Yes my daughter will hear a lot of other musics my parents didn't even knew. She will have much more choice with all the CD we allready have. Nevertheless I wonder why there's so few changes among songs and singers for kids within 30 years.

Is someone trying to clone the musical atmosphere? Yes that's impossible. A human clone can't be the exact copy of the original. Even a baby is free to appreciate or not a kind of music. It can't be in our genes. I'm listening to the latest album of Farafina "Kanou". My navel is moving...

Thanks to Bob Ottum I know I'm not really fool. Yesterday I spoke to my navel... Up to know I used to find it ridiculous when I heard about pregnant women speaking to their baby. That's funny. It just came like that. What did I say to her? I spoke about what I was eating, about a TV programm, etc...

It's strange but I really feel we are sunday. My be is it because of the lack of activity out? May be is it because of the radio or TV programms? I do what I used to do the others sundays: cleaning and ordering things. I know I have all the time the other days for that but no... I did it today!

I also went to the market this morning. It looks like the market of Villeurbanne at sunday morning. The products are the same. It's smaller, that's all. Going back home, I had the impression that Lyon was the time for friends and discovery. It's not ended but just in the background. The atmosphere here is different. The crowd looks like a big family. People speaks very easily to each other. There's also a lot of women with children in the streets.

I finished the first part of Un feu sur l'abîme (a fire upon the deep) from Vernor Vinge this morning in my bath. This book really makes me sleep and I find it sometimes not really clear. Is my lack of concentration responsible for that? Is it a lack of description of planets, extraterrestrials and their history?
The communication between humans and the Dards (some kind of intelligent dogs) as nothing really original and there's no reflection about it. In fact I would have prefered more science and less war. I know it's a space opera and not an hard science book. Let's go on and see if things becomes better after that.

Damien Glez sent an interesting advert for the next issue of the Marabout.
The election of the french president seems to have more interests seen from Africa than from here.

Don't worry be happy... Cartoons help me to forget the meningitis epidemic other north Africa. I worry about Honoré's health of course but also about his visa. He won't be allowed to come back in France if he hasn't got vaccinated but it's very hard to find a vaccine against the W135 stereotype.
I don't know what to do to help him. Crying won't change things. Music? Science-fiction? I could write to some organizations, to the embassy to explain that I really need him but it would be to selfish when a lot of children are dying.

I did nothing of what I forsee. I spent more than one hour in a supermarket looking for clothes for babies and so. There was a future grandmother who had the same kind of questions as I. What's the best size: birth, 1 month, 3 months? This one is really expensive! Yes, but this one is bad for the skin of the baby, etc, etc... My god! It's really complicated! Yes, I have a list of things to bring to the hospital for me and my child. But that didn't really help. Is a baby's vest (brassière in french) the same thing as a body? Shall I take long or short sleeves? Why do I need 6 in cotton and 3 in wool?

It's the first day of my official maternity leave. I should take good resolutions. Learning italian, reading, cleaning everything and preparing the coming of the baby. But? I should also sleep and make some walk outside. Let's wait and see...

Just think, by next month you will have your own amazing little life form to study of your own creation! :^) Who needs aliens?!

Larry Klaes in an email.

All my furniture, all my books are here. That's nothing but it changes the place were I live. I'm really at home.
E.T. is 20 years old. May be will I see it again?

I'm back on the web. That's great!

This is a kind of flashback:

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Tuesday January 8

It's 20 O'Clock. I'm looking at the stars and more espacially at Orion. There's a lot of planes landing in the Orly airport, something like one every two minutes, sometimes less. Is it an other sign that my child will be a great traveller?
Tomorrow, I'll visit a flat in a town called "Les Ulis". The prise is very low and the surface rather big. Does it hide something? Let's wait and see.


Wednesday January 16

The flat has nothing to do with what I expected. It has a lot rooms, to much for me. Everything is old. I don't like the town either. I'll start tomorrow to look for a place where I would really like to live with my child and Honoré. It's not easy to forsee how life could be. What will be the best for us? Should we live in Paris? Should we find a small house in the forest near the laboratory, the hospital and everything else?

I was really tired last week-end, may be sick also. I arrived friday at midnight in Lyon and went back mondy at seven. I should have staid in bed but there was so many things to do! I had one of these moments where I feel unable to face the future. I couldn't see me as a mother. I know I won't be alone but I want to do everything by myself. I need Honoré but I don't want him to help me. I was happy to see that he could also feel the baby moving and even sleep with his hand on my belly. That was some magic instant I will nether forget.

I was a bit afraid by the way I could start a new week. I just tried to spend the nights at bed and it worked. Yes I'm still tired. For example I left my keys on my desk at the laboratory. But I'm still learning a lot of things and even helping people. That's the minimum isn't it? The weather was sunny today. That was great.

Listening to the sonata 17 from Beethoven while following the notes with the Anvil Studio software I realised that I liked it only because it's to complicate for me. I know I won't be able to play it one day. I'm really fascinated by this music. I hope my baby can hear it. May be next month? May be after his birth?



Thursday January 17

That's obvious. I've got a gritch inside. Yes, I'm reading Hyperion from Dan Simmons the book my sister offered me for christmass.
The gritch controls everything: my nerves, my work, my sleep or my memory. This evening I was really tired. So I went to bed and then I felt something moving. That was fun. How can you sleep after such joyfull moment? The same thing use to happen in the middle of previous night.

I wonder where is my head. Oh yes, I'm able to learn more and more. After few weeks at my new job I'm allready doing several things at the same time and have more to do. I can't stand interruptions by social services for the bad flat. I was at the middle of an important task when a woman asked me everithing about my life and Honoré's one. Do I really have to answer all those questions?

I tried to phone home but nobody was there. Hum... My pour nerves... Panic comes really quickly at those times. I just had to add some paranoïa to imagine the worst. Am I really sick or just a bit tired? The gritch know the answer. I just have to find a way to communicate with him.



Wednesday January 30

I took two days holliday monday and tuesday. I spent sunday in Frangy for the birthday of my sister. She announced her wedding for august 2003. That sounds strange, she's only 20 years old and still a student.

I had a phone call from the Cité de l'Espace in Toulouse on monday afternoon. The science-fiction exhibition they plan for june 2003 looks great. I hope to be able to help them for what regards SETI. I've taken some pieces of my fanzine as well as some SETI League brochures for next week-end science-fiction exhibition in Nogent sur Oise. Will I go on with fan-edition? Not yet and not tomorrow. May be will I do something different later?



Sunday February 3

It's the first week-end I spend here in Orsay. I went to Nogent sur Oise yesterday. It's rather far from Paris. After 40 minutes of RER B from Orsay to Paris, I took the RER D which crosses forests and landscapes. It arrives at Creil 50 minutes later. Then there's 15 minutes by foot to Nogent sur Oise and it's mediathèque.
It was nice to see again friends and old acquaintances. I spoke of my future flat in "Les Ulis" and also of my baby, not really about science-fiction or SETI. I learned some news. I didn't sell one Bulletin but give a lot of them. In fact people came here to see or read and not to buy.
I came back very tired but pleased. I know I'm not able to live in Paris and take the RER every day to go at work. Les Ulis seems not so bad after all.


Tuesday February 5

The weather has been bad all the night. Rains and wind made a lot of noise. I woke up tired. My nerves are really weak. It was a bad idea to phone to know when the flat will be free.
I saw the doctor Razon who heard the heart of my baby. That was nice. Everything seems good but he asked other exams. He can't say if I will be able to go in San Marino at the beginning of March. He asked me to wait for the scan of February the 20th.


Tuesday February 12

Tonight I was near the Keops Pyramids. There was a lot of people : Hélène, Honoré, my father... Was it a meeting ? A school ? There was some water also. Nigeria ? Nil ? I put my leg in the water and get back some big allergy.


Thursday February 14

It's raining. All the night was so. I spent some hours reading "permation city" by Greg Egan. I'll take the train to Lyon this morning to eat at the kebab at noon.


Monday February 18

Yesterday we bought the first baby clothes. That was as if we were allready three. What a joy!
The week-end was nice even if there was some nostalgy. Honoré leaves next saturday for Burkina. I'm affraid. And if it was impossible for him to come back up to time?


Thursday February 21

The scan of yesterday confirmed it will be a girl and a small baby. I phoned my father to wish him an happy birthday. I hang the phone and felt sad. Honoré will leave saturday for Africa. I'm not really prepared for this and I'm so tired. There's so many things to do! How can I achieve all this?


Friday February 23

I slept listening to Barbara. I woke up after a wonderfull dream where I was with my baby. We spoke a lot. She was something like 6 or 9 months old. Honoré wasn't there but dad and Sebastien were present. Nothing and everything happens. A lot of small incidents but nothing really serious. It was as if we had been separated for a very long time. Strange but beautifull...


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